Sleepless Zombie

48 straight hours. No sleep, not even a bit. No dozing, no eye resting. None of it. And just when I thought that maybe the elusive visitor was reluctantly coming to pay its respects, Kersck decides to test out the webcam and vid chat on her new laptop. She and the aunt were on there talking and laughing, it was fun, it really was. Of course such activity at 5am chased away the very idea of sleep though. Seriously, sleeping has become like trying to hunt a deer. You have to wait hours for it to come around out in the open to graze and any little misstep or noise sets it running off all scared to come back again. By 8am this morning the headache that has kept my company for days decided to get agressive. I was feeling like a hit-n-run victim. Kersck finally decided to run along to bed leaving me to lay in mine awaiting 'the deer' to come back. It was long in coming and in the end I'm not sure if it ever came at all. Everything was just suddenly black, quiet... kinda peaceful. I think I vaguely remember some sort of dream. That long awaited peace and relief was not to be though. My phone was blaring her highness's ringtone to officially let me know my brief ronin days were over. Some ppl have seriously never heard of sticking to their roles. I mean fresh off a 12 hour flight you'd think she'd be fatigued, head straight to the palace and dive into her royal bed. Ha, ha, HA. Nope that would have been too normal. Instead ringing me is more befitting of her majesty. Still not really a crime, despite waking me up, I mean it would be kinda normal to let a person know that u landed safely (She ought to take a page outta the classier folk out there and just send a freakin sms) but of course it wasn't about landing safely, it was to enquire first about the royal-mobile which I took the liberty to commandeer. I told her it's fine and good and she'll get it back soon enough. Then she asked what I was doing. I mean seriously, my voice must have sounded like nails going through a grinder and she's questioning what I was doing??? SLEEPING, until she woke me of course. I told her she ought to try doing the same. Some how that translated to 'let's change the subject'. And suddenly she turned quizzical over a pair of shoes and some jeans that belonged to the little demon spawn bro of mine. He was showing his true demonic colors and no one wanted to give him the beat down he was begging for. I'm not one for getting my hands dirty but that doesnt mean I'm going to sit back and watch someone who clearly needs a behavioral 101 lesson get away with whatever they pleased. So I started taking some of the items which he deemed 'precious' to him. Message was clear, behave your little demonic arse or be prepared to face the consequences. At any rate, he proved to be alot dumber than I had assumed and didnt seem to learn much except two-facism. When I left, he asked my step bro to ask me about those items and where I put them (as if I'd really tell). When that failed he asked the older bro to ask me. Needless to say I aint spill and got no intentions on doing anything of the such, least not in the forseeable future.

So at this time of morning when I was trying to get my sleep on, her highness is quizzing me about those items. Sleep deprivation does make a person prone to sudden onset of bitchmode. She got testy and hung up. Ha, can't you just feel the love??

Back with the Tide

In reference to this post, I am more than pleased to say I have finally recalled my university password. I guess it wasn't really important but just knowing that I didn't know the password anymore was killing me.

I really hate mornings. I went to bed all early last night - didn't even get to watch a couple of eps of Grey's Anatomy - woke up at 5 then 7 then 7:30 and decided I could sleep a little more till 8. I woke up again at 8:10. Got dressed and ready for this bloody interview out in ajman free zone (which after driving clear out past Ajman City Center I realize the free zone is in the opposite direction, I was pretty pissed - waste of gas.). I would have been on time had I not gotten lost. On top of that the only copy I had of my CV was one that was old - the info was updated and all but I must have printed this out months back. It was folded with crease lines in it and I had two phone numbers written on back. Not very professional looking but hey would it be worse than showing up without a CV at all? Hell no, I reasoned. Apparently the blue blazer-ed, gold colored button, greased-up Frankenstein wannabe wasn't impressed. He went on a b!tch rant about professionalism and crap in his holier-than-thou tone. He said he'd give me the chance to bring in a "proper-looking" CV but honestly I doubt it'd be worth it. For one I can't work with Frankenstein, I learnt from MPS that I have a serious problem with over-authoritive picky arses. No matter how polite I try to be with them my disdain for them show up in the form of unconscious sarcasm. Secondly its one of those damned jobs that you have to produce your own contacts. So not my thing, and on top of it all, the guy was only willing to barely pay pocket change. Screw him and his retarded free zone company.

The job I really wanted in customer service seems to be still open though, Lord be Praised. I got through to the consultancy place this morning. They had some problem on their side and someone was supposed to call me but didn't get around to it or forgot or whatever so the guy who answered me today said they'd probably call me tomorrow (hopefully) since they only answer phones today.

I'm SO tired, I feel like I could do a Rip Van Winkle and still need more sleep!

(Note to a certain person =P : my posts these days are pretty short but at least they're more frequent ;) Frequency trumps length ^_^ )

The Longest Moment

Look over shoulder and check for on coming cars, a few are coming – but I can make it… accelerate, more.. more.. car number 1: gray Honda civic gaining, accelerate.. more.. more *beep beep beep beep* needle passes 120 mark. Slow down, this is a 100 kph highway, 20 over is the “grace limit”. Check mirror.. Honda Civic yields to black tinted Lexus LS 400.. Lexus coming fast.. not in the mood to play with his mind, yield. *Yawn*. Call sister and tell her be ready to go to the ladies club. Get off phone, *yaaawn*. Check time 4:47pm. Went to bed today at 4:00am, woke at 5:00am. *Yawn* Be there in 10 mins I told her, come in 15 she pleaded. Pass Sharjah airport, Is it going to take just 15 mins to reach home from here? Needle moves down to just barely touching 100. accelerate. So many things to do back home, can’t waste all my time on the road – accelerate… needle pushes past 120 *beep beep beep beep* whatever, reach over and turn up Al Khalayeg, start singing along.

ياليت كل الخلايق مابهم حساد ..........ياليت كل المشاعر صادقة بالناس

*Yawn* continue singing, time will fly…

ياليت نملك قلوب ما بها أحقاد.... ياليت نقدر نسامح غيرنا لو زل

Last interchange before I get off…

تكفون خلونا نمشي دربها ياناس... والفرحه نرجي من الله دوم نحصدها

*Yawn* When did I memorize this song? Here’s my exit.. Al Jabari and his background singers repeat the last line of the nasheed. Get over…*Exhale*…ah, the a/c feels good..*blink*.. darkness, silence - calmness… moments pass, I want to stay like this just for a bit more.. no something isn’t right,… SHEEMOTA, I was DRIVING and it’s not even a straight drive the exit was a curved bend.. WAKE..UP!

~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was probably only a moment or so that my eyes were closed but I really felt like it was longer and that I had sunken deep into sleep, thought I’d wake up and find the car already totaled or worse.. Either way if I wasn’t already dead, mother would definitely not let me hear the end of it since I had insisted I needed to go get brochures from the Horse Riding Club for my speech tomorrow. Sheesh, that was down right scary, especially given the reoccurring day-mare I’ve been having of a vampire sucking all my blood away and all the news articles loaded with deaths and obituaries..

Weekends must be CELEBRATED

This feels good…

My room was feeling pretty hot and stuffy (it’s waiting for the weekend when I might decide to give it a half-cleaning) on top of this day seeming too long. It’s only 9:40 pm but I feel like I need some serious sleep.. Really can’t sleep when I’m hot, I wake up in a very BAD mood. I could have gone downstairs and sat in the living room (or probably just done what I should of done all last summer and the months that past till now – which was nag the ones “in charge” to either fix my broken a/c or get me a new one… *sighs* it’s easier said than done believe me!) a thought came to mind and I decided to do something spontaneous instead =P

I’m sitting on the roof of my house typing this post under the half moon and few stars. It’s not as cool as it could be but it sure is a heck of a lot airier than my room- and of course no clutter or junk laying around.

I’m glad tomorrow is Thursday, means the last day of the week and I sure am looking forward to the weekend. I intend to use 90% of it sleeping (what a glorious thought!).

I think I’ll go play a round of monopoly with dog and french-fries (the names of the game pieces the computer plays with against me).

Ciasso =)

Be Warned pt II

Second contemptible party.. dammit I just remembered someone else who pissed me off at school today, scratch 3: it’s 4.

The animals for classmates (including the two demon spawns for group mates lazy beasts). One girl, actually she’s my friend – I often have fun teasing her about usually being late for class- she knows it’s good natured teasing though. And it’s not really her fault she’s late...well at least not 95% of the time. She comes from the other end of the campus which takes at least a good ten minutes if u aren’t running. Anywayz some how she didn’t know we had our mid-term today. I feel badly about it cuz I see her all the time and I knew but it never occurred to me that she might not have known the exam was today. Anywayz she gets to class and asks if it was possible to postpone it till at least Tuesday. The teacher would have done it but then chaos broke out in the classroom. All of the “humans” agreed that they wanted to postpone the exam but then when the teacher said Tuesday some said Thursday, some said they have exams on Thursday so any other day they claimed they’d agree to (which was a lie cuz other days were proposed and they still whined) and then one idiot (I seriously wanted to get up and do violence on that chic) actually came up with: “But I spent the whole weekend studying for this exam cuz it was today and now that’s all going to be wasted.”

@#$%^& What kinda of a dumb @$$ excuse was that???!! I mean the girl really is an idiot if she even bothered to study then it shouldn’t matter whether she did the test today or the day after tomorrow the material should still be in her damn head (sheesh I’ll cut the profanity.. I’m really irritated.. maybe I’ll take a minute and go squeeze that stress ball I got a couple of times)

Ok, so as I was saying. With the exception of that one individual.. the teacher was so ready to postpone the exam till even next Sunday if everyone just shut up and agreed. Don’t you know even to have it postponed all the way till next Sunday the Mdala3een Niggas all raised hell whining they have exams. The policy is if we happen to have 3 exams on one day we have the right to go and complain. Going and complaining or rather whining is OPTIONAL if we feel we can’t study for all three at once. Those Mdala3een Niggas always whine whenever they have just TWO exams in one day. Where the hell do they think they are??? Is Uni not comprised of studying??? If they can’t handle a few exams go the hell back to KG…I’m sure they’d have lots of fun coloring and playing with puzzles. I’ve never seen such stupidity in my entire life – with a very few exceptions. Meanwhile while they are whining only thinking about the fact that THEY –Lord forbid- would have more than one exam in one day, are completely ignoring the fact that this poor girl who didn’t even know there was an exam today would have to sit for it even though she didn’t study a lick so Miss My-Whole-Weekend-was-Wasted can sit for the exam today instead of the day after and the rest of those pansies can have an exam per day. The last time we had Islamic Culture exam I had three exams in one day plus a quiz and they were all one right after the other with only break enough to walk from one class room to the next. It didn’t kill me. And I doubt they’d die if they did it once in their damned lives.

The girl stood in front of the whole class and begged for them to agree to postpone. They didn’t care. My Favorite Twins and the girl next to them argued the poor girl’s point. One of the twins pointed out that since it is religion class if someone did happen to spend their time studying all weekend for it it wasn’t wasted cuz that fool is supposed to know the stuff anywayz and if she didn’t maybe it’d benefit her. Two other girls gave another outburst about how if they postpone it they have other exams later. The other twin tried to explain to them to be rational and think of how they’d feel if they were in the girl’s position. They just shrugged and carried on. It was back and forth between the twins’ rational arguments and those of the uncaring rocks for classmates…actually I refuse to acknowledge those creatures as mates. In the end the teacher told the girl to sit down and the exam was going to be today since agreement on postponing couldn’t be reached.

I felt really bad for the girl. I hadn’t studied really myself (figured it was pointless since I had a feeling most of it was coming from what was discussed while I had my routine power naps during class times) and I would have rather gotten the test over with quickly just to get it out of the way but I raised my hand in favor of postponing – we WERE supposed to be mates so we should have all been sticking out for each other.. Unfortunately animals can’t act like anything other than animals much less caring civilized individuals.

Thankfully the teacher seems to have a shred of compassion in him, he told the girl after she sat down and I guess his conscience was about to kill him that she could leave and didn’t have to sit for the exam. I hope that means that she can sit for the exam later Inshalla.

Being that it was a religion class and all and in no religion is it tolerable for people of the same faith to act in such an uncaring manner towards their brethren of the same faith or even others of other faith (heck no person should be uncaring of another person whether that person be living or even dead) the teacher should have given all of those uncaring creatures an immediate and unchangeable “ F ”. What’s the point of taking a religion exam when u fail in basic etiquette/manners/protocol whatever the hell you wanna call it??? True it’s a uni requirement and all but it’s obvious that if they can’t even pass a simple test of consideration they need to go way back to the beginning and fill in the gaps their parents obviously neglected to teach them about.

I’m seriously considering not turning in that project I slaved over for 3 days and sleepless nights so those two can get an F.. I don’t care if I have to get an F with them as long as they get it.

My God… I am so irritated right now I think I’ll go strangle that poor stress ball. (Poor thing has eyes that bulge when u squeeze him too hard)

Nameless Post 111

Haven’t felt like posting in a while.. I was really depressed and frustrated with life. Everything about it, especially with the things I have no control over. I was losing interest in everything and it seemed anything I turned to to relieve or at least ease my frustration was either wrong or increased it. A great way to feel in the middle of midterm exam time. I’m not sure if it was the reason but for sure it must be part of the reason I failed the Islamic Culture exam – that and the fact I can’t stay awake during that class to save my damn life. (In the end the professor gave each of us – all of his students- 3 points, which was enough to lift me and a few other girls out of failure… In my opinion I still failed.)

The last thing I wanted to do was go to uni. When I’m in that mood I just lock myself in my room for hours at a time.. sometimes even for days straight. I’d regret accumulating all those absences if I stayed home these past 2 weeks so I was forced to go to school. I hated every minute of it and every thing and body annoyed me. I was living only for the moment I could get on the bus and return to my sanctuary.

I get picked up from the first stop on the busses route. Among the many advantages of being the first on the bus (after getting whatever seat I want) is getting to observe those who board the bus after me. I do it all the time. For more than a week I had completely ignored everyone on the bus and just stared out the window. Last Thursday I don’t know why but I found myself observing my bus mates as they boarded. I noticed that most of them get dropped at the stop by either one or both of their parents. It irritated my mood greatly. I was near turning away when I noticed one of the girls who always sits across the aisle from me. (by pure chance sometimes, no matter what bus we board or what row I sit in…heck even the times cuz lots of students have different schedules and go home at different times so that usually means on different buses – it is rare when I don’t see her on the bus.) I suspect she’s a freshman like me. We always get on the bus between 6:40 and 7:00 am which means we have to get up pretty early every morning. Anywayz, despite the earliness of the hour she always boards greeting everyone with a huge smile and amazing bounce in her step - just brimming with energy and eagerness to see what the next day of uni will bring. One of her parents drops her at the stop every morning as well but I seriously doubt that could be the reason for her bright mood every morning, maybe part of the reason… (Mashalla Alayha – I hope she continues to be bright every morning…amen ya rabb) Seeing her made me think.. think in a way that I hadn’t been thinking in the past two weeks. It made me realize that while everyone has things going on in their lives that they can’t control there are still plenty of things that they do have control over. These past few weeks I was letting all the things I have no control over get to me and the anger and frustration I was feeling due to that was causing me to lose control over the things that a person normally has control of. I’ve said before that I’m not normally a competitive person. Though that feeling of competitiveness bites me from time to time, sometimes over things totally trivial to other people. I couldn’t stand what my anger was turning me into and I certainly wasn’t about to lose to Miss Bright and Cheery on the bus. From that moment I resolved myself to control what is within my power and ability to control – completely. I desperately needed to loosen the tension that had built up. A certain good friend of mine decided we should go play tennis together – something we hadn’t done in ages. It was relaxing and for the first time in these long two weeks I felt happy. It was as if all my frustration, anger and problems were locked out of the court and all that remained was the relaxed feeling of being free. I tried to explain how grateful I was to my friend for coming out and playing with me but all I could come up with was that it was appreciated. Appreciated doesn’t seem like the right word. In the end I guess it’s a feeling that can’t be described or put into words. I hope that she always finds someone there for her when she is in need of a friend.

It’s only 10 pm but already I feel the urge to sleep.. This will be one of the few times I give in easily to the urge without a mini-war.

I’m exhausted.

(Btw, this post really is number 111)

What a week....

It's been a month now since I joined the university. Everyday is more interesting than the previous and I look forward to the next day (even though I still love the weekends =P ). For this whole month we haven't had much to do though. Class work wasn't that much and homework assignments were almost non-existent. So last week when 2 of the teachers decided to dump involved assignments on us (of course both choosing the same due date and that meant we only had 2 days to finish) it was like the biggest shock. Can I add here that they were both graded assignments... which meant no make-ups and no late hand-ins. When I got home that afternoon I was tempted to just get online, watch some anime and play monopoly (computer version - very addicting). I was in the process of logging on when I remembered the last graded quiz that I had the week before. I didn't bother studying before it and then ended up with a shameful mark. I didn't even have the face to tell the one person that really cares how I do at uni what I got. I had promised myself then that I wasn't going to get anything less than perfect - and why should I? It's not like this is math where I have absolutely no control.

The first day I managed to stay off the net. Just checked my mail and read some news. Did loads of work and finished one of the assignments (took 4 straight hours). The second day there was a pop quiz in Language Development class. I had been inadvertently studying for it. I was calling myself reviewing but in the end it turned out to be beneficial cuz I got 100 and 96 on the two pop quizzes. I had started the presentation assignment when I got home from school that day but felt really sick and decided I'd sleep a bit and then finish off the assignment. I ended up sleeping for 4 hours. I had no time left. The assignment was due in the morning and I knew I didn't have enough free time in the morning to do the assignment then so I stayed up all night and finished it. I really went all out with it and made brochures to hand out at the end of the presentation summarizing the main points and giving a few further tips.

After all of that, Tuesday the Doc decided I, along with 3 other girls would do our presentations on Thursday (yesterday). The Language practice instructor had a quiz prepared for us on Thursday as well. I like the instructor but she has a tendency for making mistakes. There were several in the quiz and even though I made sure to study for it I got an 8 from 10. Normally I'd just shrug it off cuz in the end I was sure I got 10 but she was going to write that in the grade book for sure and that would of course affect my grade at the end of the semester so I bugged her to see the quiz and what it was that I got wrong. She was nice about it and let me see only to find out that I did get a 10. The other girls started complaining and she told us she would fix the marks soon and not to worry cuz those were her mistakes. The speech comm presentation was next. By that time I had kinda been looking forward to it. I had decided I was going to force my nervousness away and give a good presentation. Ha ha HA.. that resolution was the first to go when it came my turn to stand and present. I immediately started reading from my papers cuz I totally forgot what the hell I was supposed to be talking about. The Doc was amused, he liked my topic and where my idea was going but he seriously wasn't going to allow a presentation to be read off of papers. So he took them and told me to start over. I stuttered, umm-ed, coughed and somehow managed to reach the end of the presentation. In the end I'm not sure what I got. Doc told me it was excellent but teachers say one thing and write something totally different when it comes time for actual marks. Is it even possible for someone to get a good mark when the presentation itself is good but the way u present it sucks? Presenting I think would count for at least 3/4s of it, IMO... I'll just have to wait and see what I get on that presentation.

There was a trip to Awafi today. Uni was taking the female students out there. I kinda wanted to go but that would have been a) too early to get up and get out on a weekend (they were leaving the school at 8) and b) that would have been too much time away from net connection for me =P

Anywayz, after I watch a bit of anime and play a round of monopoly, I shall crawl right back into bed inshalla. Sleep batteries need a serious recharge! Lol. After last week I haven't seen any one fall asleep on the bus.. It was on the bus coming home one afternoon that a girl sitting near the front fell asleep. Maybe she was snoring, I'm not sure but for whatever reason the bus driver noticed that she was sleeping and started SINGING to her - or rather about her. His voice wasn't too clear but it was obvious that he was singing and that he was singing about her sleeping. The other girls tried to stifle their laughs - of course moi was the only one that was successful ;) The girl who was sleeping woke up and was sooo embarrassed. The bus driver said she must be really tired and what do we do in the uni that makes us so tired. The girl explained that she has a part-time job in the afternoon. The bus driver said something to the effect of sleep and he'd wake her up at her stop. LOL needless to say the girl stayed awake the rest of the ride.

So, that was last week... next week promises to be interesting as well - Midterms begin on Tuesday....