Retards...

This is our classroom for e-commerce, its also the classroom for several other classes. When we had our e-com exam that wasn't there - I would know, that's my place. After exam week I noticed it. UoS-er's should be ashamed, if you are going to cheat at least try to be a little less obvious with it. (Though i guess if they were that dumb to need cheating in the first place they wouldn't be smart enough to be creative about it)

Change..

I wanna leap. The truth is, I'm terrified of what happens - or might happen - afterward. Not knowing scares me. I know it's impossible for any of us to know but even if I did know, I'd probably still be afraid. I'm the girl who hates change. Any and all kinds of change. The mere thought of changing even the simplest things that most people wouldn't bat an eye at nauseates me. And yet, I still cling to the very edge with this burning desire to just let go. "Change is good." I can chant a million consecutive times over to myself but in the end I always find some new reason no matter how insignificant or trifling to cling to my edge. It infuriates me that in all of these years I still haven't figured out what it is that I truly want. My actions and words are nothing more but huge contradictions of each other. At times I find it easier to pretend I have everything all figured out simply because the reality isn't something I wanna face. I point the finger in every direction but in the end it always leads to the one person I want it not to point to. It's become a cycle, I turn it over and over in my head, I don't get the answer I want, I get frustrated, and blame everyone around- be it family or friends - for my frustration. Sometimes I still naively believe that if we hadn't drifted apart I could talk to her and she'd help me figure things out. A fresh perspective and unclouded judgment was what I loved most. I still catch myself in the process of dialing her, my pride gets in the way though. She couldn't/can't be bothered to answer my calls or even afford the common courtesy to at least return them when she isn't busy, I am so not going to chase after her. But who am I kidding, in the first place she isn't obligated to do any of that and in the end it is me that needs to realize that change is going to happen whether i like it or not. No one is going to wait on the edge with me when they see their turn to leap. I understand that but always believe the next person I meet will be the one that laughs insanely while telling me it's ok not to leap and it's ok to be afraid...

To Tip, or Not to Tip

When I go to the grocery store to shop and allow the bag boy to bring the cart out to the car and load my purchases into the trunk I usually tip - that is when I allow them to 'cause most times I just take the cart out myself. It's pretty much an unwritten rule with me that those guys get whatever coinage change I received from the cashier.

When I tip for other services though, like getting air put in my car tires or getting the front windshield washed (without actually getting gas) I usually pay 5dhs in coins - never a bill. (Bills always feel too much for a tip.) It feels wrong to tip less than that though. The way I see it, to tip less than 5 is like an insult both ways. Makes the tipper look cheap and the tippee (probably not a word but who's really keeping track? Anywayz just think employer and employee.) a creature - not even human- unworthy of a decent tip.

So the night before I had gone to this full service gas station - it had everything, Mc D's, Baskin Robbins, Dunkin Donuts and the normal gas station convenience store. It was mother's car and the windshield was insanely filthy. I'm not even sure how I made it to the station in one piece but yeah I had decided surely filling the gas tank would merit the gas guy going ahead and washing the windshield. Somehow he didn't bother doing it and I forgot to ask (I was busy trying to wake up little Annie, who was asleep in the backseat, for Mc D's ice cream - which was the reason we had gone out in the first place.) So I was done paid for the gas and everything then pulled into the Mc D's drive thru before realizing that I hadn't gotten the windshield done. The drive thru line was pissy long and it was a while before we finally got our order. In which time I had deeply contemplated the windshield and tipping issue. See, if the guy had done it when he filled the tank then I wouldn't think to tip. But now I'd have to go back and get the windshield done and if it were the same guy who filled the tank then that wouldnt be a prob. No tip. But if it were a different guy - which it was, he wouldnt know that I just filled my tank there and I'd have to tip. I had already spent 72dhs in gas and only had 2 dhs in coins - I had bills but seriously I wasnt in a very tipping mood since the window should have been done when the gas tank was filled. So now I was wondering should I even bother tipping. Long story short, he got 2dhs and I drove off. It still bothers me though, evidence in fact that I'm blogging about it...

Greetings come lately..

Hmm, so apparently Ramadan has come - and gone...and 3eed has come - and gone as well. AND I'm like the only blogger who hasn't left proper Ramadan/3eed greetings. Shame on me, happy belated 3eed to you all and I hope you guy's Ramadan passed well =)

Pong

I'm really not in the mood to post, but being the 31st and I haven't posted a single thing I felt the urge to at least post something for record's sake (since June/July 2006, I haven't missed a month..) So here you guys are: meet Pong, the evil moo moo cow - El Hazard's moody alter ego.

Uukh Galbi!

I haven't felt like blogging of late (obviously, lol). I've kinda been enjoying the freedom of not only being liberated from summer course but also my arch nemesis : Business Mathematics. Yes, I can hardly believe it myself (ALHAMDILLAH) that I finally - somehow- managed to pass BM. I gotta hand it to the professor though, he was a bad ass at explaining. Way better than the previous two lady professors I had. I almost wanna believe the sexist saying that male math teachers are the better of the sexes.. big exception will be made for BW - of course, cuz she had the power to make me understand lots ;) But yeah, I'm glad that's behind me.

Mostly since the end of summer course I've been playing tennis, loads of PS2 soccer (football to the rest of the world) - I found this option where u play in this like career mode and you get to create your player including his name and appearance, kinda like SIMS. So yeah I kinda got addicted to it and play everyday.

About the only productive thing I get done is attending art classes in the mornings (w3, I am so not a morning person). Its fun though. We're learning so much cool (useless) stuff. We also take Arabic calligraphy. I like that alot as well. It calms me down when I'm moody.

I've decided (though I haven't actually done anything yet) to go back to Quran classes and seriously memorize. I figure its about time I got holy and did something that would help me in the afterlife. I'm looking forward to that inshallah. I miss the feeling of doing something that actually matters.

In other news, I've been job hunting. Unemployment doesnt suit me =P I scored an interview for Sunday. Khair inshallah.

I found an interesting story about my favorite sportswear company, Adidas. And then read a very retarded story in Gulf News. I mean all these copyrighted things still make tons of money and there will always be people out there who have to have the originals of certain things and will still put money into those things even if they already have a downloaded version. (I mean sometimes I have the original of something and I go and download it from torrents or whatever so that I can use it on my comp/phone/ipod, whatever makes life easier) They should stop being such tight asses about it and live their lives.

Lastly, I'll leave you guys with a Fares Karam clip. Its music, and while I dont usually listen to music unless its like on tv (which is where I first heard this clip) or whatever, I found the lyrics so cute...

888

So I was tagged by Roon. Thanx and sorry I took so long..

8 Things I'm looking forward to...

1. next uni semester
2. summer ending
3. finishing the novels i'm working on
4. taking a filming course at NYFA

8 Things I wish I could do...

1. Go skim surfing
2. Get a new desktop comp
3. Go snowboarding
4. Graduate
5. Get a job

8 Things I love....

1. Tennis
2. The N96
3. Writing- and ppl actually reading what I write, doesnt matter if they like it or not
4. BMWs
5. Seeing/making ppl smile
6. Photography and most recently filming
7. My Ipod
8. Captain Awesome [Ewok]
   

8 Things I did yesterday

1. Lazed in bed till 9:30
2. Took mom and little bro to the airport
3. Picked mom and little bro up from the airport [ they called me back cuz little bro took so long getting ready - he's like worse than a girl with all his hair/face products and accessories he has to put on before he can go out- that they missed their flight.]
4. Helped make breakfast
5. Lazed in bed some more while watching the Beast and texting friends.
6. Chatted with friends on ebuddy [I so need a new laptop]
7. Toyed with the idea of actually finishing a chapter of Llewellyn
8. Drove mom and bro back to the airport at 8pm for their flight [ This time they were late again but on the father's account - i think its a genetic thing....has to be]

8 Shows I watch...

1. Grey's Anatomy
2. Laguna Beach
3. One Tree Hill
4. Chuck
5. Gossip Girl
6. The Hills
7. Greek
8. The Beast

8 Bloggers I tag

1. Bookworm
2. Kath
3. Ruby
4. Drunk n Gorgeous
5. Neechan
6. The spear
7. Neel
8. Hmm, I'm outta ppl, guess I'll just go and tag any random blogger ;)
   

Twit Tat

Once upon a time, El Hazard possessed a working msnger. One day someone 'signed in' and El Hazard sees all these annoying characters (~#*!%^ [c=11]). The first day it was weird, so were the second, third and forth days.. By the 365th day El Hazard realized there was something terribly wrong. Then one fine day, El Hazard's fairy sister S, points out that El Hazard needs to download and install MSN live plus! - an extension for windows live messenger. After much hemming and hawing and waiting for 547 days El Hazard finally decided it was time to surrender to live plus!, and surrender El Hazard did. Once live plus! was installed, El Hazard cautiously 'signed in'. "THE COLORS! THE FEATURES! THE NOVELTY OF IT ALL!" El Hazard exclaimed. And from that day forth El Hazard and Windows Msnger Live plus! lived happily but not ever after for all good things ALWAYS come to an end, and a horrid end it had.

Epilogue:

- Curses be upon WLM9
- El Hazard's Twitter Account.

Nothing more need be said.

Like You Mean It

So the first week of summer course has gone by. Aside from the frequent cluster headaches I've been getting and the fact that the class is a whole hour AND 40 mins long.. math classes have actually been quite interesting. The class is totally on the guy's campus (which is freakin awkward and just plain weird) and we, of course, have guys in the class. A very half-assed partition separates the sexes (I so need to snap a shot for you guys's viewing pleasure!) which is like the joke of the whole school. There are uniformed guards all over - I imagine to 'keep the peace' haha. Right. I wonder how they would describe the status of UoS now? ... "Controlled Co-ed".

Anyways, like I was saying, the classes have been interesting to say the least. We got a guy professor this time around. I know we aren't supposed to be sexist when it comes to math teachers and all but its becoming quite apparent that they are the better teachers in regards to math anyways. The guy teacher at the institute I was going to in Dubai for tutoring sessions was like a mathematical Einstein. When he explained, I understood. When things were difficult, he spoke ENGLISH. Our professor for this semester speaks English as well. Not that any of my other professors or tutors spoke/taught in other languages but they may as well have been for all I understood from them. It was frustrating really.

I think this may also be the first time I was actually present for the first math chapter. I don 't remember studying about the basics of the straight line the previous times. Despite only having spent a week with this new professor, I think I like him. He's got a really short volatile temper. Reminds me of Tony Soprano's temper. It doesnt help much that he kinda slurs words together like Soprano as well. The first day (Monday) he was going through the course syllabus and introduction (in English) like a normal professor and then suddenly he starts yelling all this angry arabic. It took me a minute to register that that was definitely not part of the lecture. I look up from the syllabus hand-out to see him waving around a small black thing. Turned out to be someone's mobile. Apparently while he was going thru the syllabus one of the boys was getting in quality talk time on his phone. It was pretty funny. But just as quickly as he was set off he had calmed down and was smiling again. Lol. Tuesday the lecture went by with out a hitch. Wednesday we had a quiz. We knew we were having a quiz that day. So everyone went in and sat down and we were like waiting for him to pass out the quiz papers. Instead he surprised us all and told us to get out our own sheets of paper, write our names and IDs on them and then copy the quiz question he was going to write on the board. I was thinking Oh Wow we are all sitting next to each other (like usually they make us sit at alternate desks and stuff) so just before we start his angry alter ego "Mr. Soprano" (fitting name) comes out and threatens that if we attempt in any way...even if he so much as 'thinks' we are attempting, we'd get a zero. Then he adds that with him there are 'two' zeros - a red zero and a yellow zero... I imagine it must be something along the lines of Soccer (football to the rest of u guys ;P) with their red and yellow cards lol. So he wraps up with 'You all be careful.' I almost felt sorry for the girl beside me cuz even if she wanted to cheat, i'd be like the last person she'd wanna cheat from! When I saw the question my brain immediately froze. Like what the hell? I knew that I knew how to solve it and it was a relatively easy problem but I was having trouble remembering how to go about doing that. In the end though, I put down pretty much all of the correct answer except for the last part of the equation. I guess I'll see on Sunday how much leaving out parts of equations cost in marks.. After the quiz we carried on with the lesson as usual. Like half hour before the end of class the teacher makes this swift movement on the boys' side of the partition and next thing he slams a familiar black device on his desk. He's glaring angerily at the boys' side but says nothing surprisingly. Instead he turns back to the board and starts writing again. Once he finished writing, he opens his mouth to speak and I imagined he'd be explaining what he had just written - and maybe thats what he had originally wanted to do but the object on his desk caught his eye and set him off. Haha. There was no stopping him. He went on and on about how rude and wrong it is for someone to be using their phone while in a lecture. And the retarded guy he took the phone from was arguing his case saying he wasnt doing anything like texting. He claimed he was just receiving. Oh the professor loved that. His face got all red and his eyes turned mini-saucers and he looked like he was ready to drag the kid out by his ear and drag him all the way to that great and mighty (cough cough) chancellor of ours. And like everytime he seemed like he was winding down to continue the guy argued some more. A couple of girls grinned. A few giggled. I tried my best not to laugh, smile grin or look amused but in all honesty it was hilarious. And what's more, it was the same boy from the first lesson with the phone. Some ppl just dont learn, sadly. I guess its a good thing though, it makes the hour and 40 mins a little less mundane. ;)

This summer promises to be very busy, aside from summer course. I registered for art & calligraphy classes. I'm going to finally learn to swim (though I still very much hate that sport). I'm also going to try and finish my new novel -which entails learning welsh and perhaps gaelic or latin. Should be fun I hope. Oh, and I got an invitation letter from this cadet pilot programme I registered for. I had signed on ever since last year, I was really depressed and needed a change of routine so that was like the most random spontaneous thing I could do. I'm not as interested in it any more but since I have the invitation letter I may as well go on for the assessment test and see how far I get. They say its 6 aptitude tests that you have to take in 4hours and based on ur performance on them you get to move to the next round/part of assessment which is held on a different day. It'll be interesting at least - I wonder if I'll be the only female there...

I need to go put some honest hours into my neglected novel - and most probably play sims 2 ;)

Laters ^^

Surf Skimming

Captain Awesome

Its been a while since I posted anything. I feel vaguely bad about that, but so not in the mood to rectify the matter. For now I'll leave you ppl with a picture of my new kitten, Captain Awesome. (The monkey off to the side is his - I think I'm going to name it too... O'malley. )

Friends

"I have no trouble with my enemies. But my goddamn friends,...they are the ones that keep me walking the floor nights."

- Oscar Levant

My brain feels numb with exhaustion but I felt the need to share this. It made me laugh ;)

People

Did I ever mention the level of disdain I hold for people who only remember my name and number when they want something?

I absolutely DESPISE them!

Just for a Second..

Imagine that there is something that you really wanna learn to do. No matter how many times you try the end result is the same - failure. Logically if you really want it your going to try putting in even more time and effort. But to your disappointment, all your time and efforts -no matter how good - doesnt render what appears to be inherently inevitable.

It doesn't help matters any that everyone around you believes that a) you aren't trying hard enough. or b) you aren't taking it serious or as serious as you should.

Family being less than optimistic about your efforts isn't that much of a surprise. But when your friends are on the same side of the field as your folks it makes you wonder.

It shouldn't be any surprise if you decide you've had enough of looking like a fool and put an end to all of it. Sometimes to walk away is simply the only answer left..

That Which We Reap

::sighs::

The Lady of Shalott

And by the moon the reaper weary,
Piling sheaves in uplands airy,
Listening, whispers, " 'Tis the fairy
The Lady of Shalott."

She knows not what the curse may be,
And so she weaveth steadily,
And little other care hath she,
The Lady of Shalott.

All in the blue unclouded weather
Thick-jewell'd shone the saddle-leather,
The helmet and the helmet-feather
Burn'd like one burning flame together,
As he rode down to Camelot.

Out flew the web and floated wide-
The mirror crack'd from side to side;
"The curse is come upon me," cried
The Lady of Shalott.

"Who is this? And what is here?"
And in the lighted palace near
Died the sound of royal cheer;
And they crossed themselves for fear,
All the Knights at Camelot;
But Lancelot mused a little space
He said, "She has a lovely face;
God in his mercy lend her grace,
The Lady of Shalott."

- Alfred, Lord Tennyson

Pot & Kettle

She's been calling, msning and texting religiously these past couple of days. I dont answer my fone, I ignore her msnges and dont reply to her texts. I was angry, I promised that it would be a long time before I spoke to or visited her again. I'm a person who sticks to my word and it seems she must have thought I was joking cuz by the looks of her texts and msnges I think she believes I've just been busy lately - which isnt entirely untrue.

While I was packing my things for the weekend pilgrimage to the family den, I picked up a bottle of perfume. Nice smelling that one, but that is beside the point. The perfume had been a gift from her. The same her I've been ignoring for weeks now. I was wrong. Wrong in calling her a 'casual friend'. Certain things/actions move a person from being merely an acquaintance or causal friend to being more. Good friend, close friend or whatever. She had given me more than just perfume, and as for me I reciprocated with nothing. So where does that put me?

Everyone has their flaws, no one is perfect. Her 'flaw' apparently is being truthful to a fault cuz in reality what she said hurt, but it was truth. I expect that if I say something hurtful to one of my friends, whether knowingly or unknowingly, that they would forgive me. Especially if I apologize (she hasnt apologized, and I dont expect her to because one shouldnt be made to apologize for the truth). And I wonder, how can I be so unforgiving to her while expecting forgiveness from others. What kind of person does that make me?

I was ready to say I dont need ppl like that in my life, but maybe its the other way around. And if someone like her doesnt deserve me in their life, then how much more so for ppl even better than her?

I've become a horrible person and I ought to straighten out before I look to judge others. That's all I'm saying.

I Am Done

I seriously can't understand people who say whatever comes to their mind with no regard for whether or not what they are saying is going to hurt someone. What is it with them? Do they just not give a damn or is that they are too thick skinned to take into consideration how the other person might feel?

I know at times I read too much into things and I have periods when I'm feeling a whole hell of a lot more sensitive and emotionally insecure about certain things. But that doesn't excuse her from being a tactless 'ho-bag'. In my book we were casual friends but maybe she misunderstood and thought we were close enough where she could say anything no matter how hurtful and expect that her position was such that I might be upset for a while but in the end I forgive her cuz that's what friends do.

I wasn't in a place mentally to put up with the crap spewing from her mouth and my best defense was to leave. I'm entitled to that. Her cue to get her mouth in check and possibly shut up, maybe even text an apology later on. Not her though, she decides its best to follow me and add salt to wound.

That was days ago. I was upset about it, and then I had an amazing math session at Sylvan Institute which drowned out those feelings. But this morning when I woke up her words were already on auto-playback and they still sting. This isn't the first time she's done something like this, but it is the first time that I just can't deal with it. In translation, I'm done. Done with trying to be her friend, done with the effort it takes to be her friend, done trying to figure out why the hell she can't for once stop and consider my feelings. I am simply done.

This probably wont make sense...

I don't think I have ever moved so fast in my life.. there was no moment of hesitation or stopping for any reason, it was purely on instinct. Once I reached my car I sat there. Sat there and waited. It was safe. Like a cocoon, protected from anything looming on the outside. I waited and watched. It wasnt long before the first unrecognizable figure made its way out. Then a few more. Then a swarm of black. Some recognizable, while others remained just figures in black. Still, I couldnt bring myself to pull off. I had to see 'them', or more specifically her. And yes I was well aware of the fact that on some level that could be considered stalking but I didnt give a damn.

Once the intial sea of black subsided I knew she'd make her grand exit. I knew her well, and she ALWAYS had to have a marked exit and entry with her personal entourage surrounding her at all times. It seemed like forever between my swift escape and her leisured exit. When she finally did, I caught my glimpse. In all these years nothing changed. A swift, protected and direct walk to her car.

I should have known better. That glance alone brought back memories I had tried my best to suppress and forget. Memories of a time when we were all friends. That was a very very long time ago. Or so it seemed. I am no longer that person I used to be and sometimes I wonder if that maybe for better or for worse. It's never easy when someone just suddenly shuts you out, no reason or at least no logical reason. Ppl grow up and grow apart, go their separate ways and somehow if u dont understand that or dont want to understand that, it leaves you in a very screwed position. I'm not going to lie to myself. I was happy back then. I mean sure, I wasnt problem free but when I look back at that time it's the sparkly happy things I remember. The only thing I've kept from that time is a watch that one of them had given me. Everyday, without fail, I put it on -even when the battery stops working and I need to get it changed. It meant alot to me and even when I dont actually think about what the watch meant I still find it a very important object to me. That group taught me alot of things and it leaves me wondering if that was their only purpose. Everything has a reason right?

Funerals are depressing, and not just because of the dead people or grieving relatives...

Of Preludes and Queries

I wonder if it's just me, or do any other writers find writing the perfect query letter to potential agents/editors to be harder than actually writing the novel itself. It's understandable why they would want that letter, but they shouldnt be so nitpicky about it. They ought to come up with one unified standard query form which would leave writers to just fill in the blanks. If they like what they see then they could proceed with requesting pages/chapters or whatever. It would make life alot easier for all of us (them included since they are always complaining about not getting properly written queries).

Spring break is a good thing - VERY good thing. I had wanted to go to Kuwait this break, but it seems none of the little brothers (that I'd feel like holidaying for a week with) are off from school. Sux for me, I guess I'll have to be content to study, tackle that query letter and find something to keep me reasonably amused this week.

Lately my alter ego has been demanding a facebook account. I'm weighing the pros/cons of obliging such a request..

I guess I should go work on my first couple of query drafts. I hope you guys have a great weekend =)