Monday, March 16, 2009

This probably wont make sense...

I don't think I have ever moved so fast in my life.. there was no moment of hesitation or stopping for any reason, it was purely on instinct. Once I reached my car I sat there. Sat there and waited. It was safe. Like a cocoon, protected from anything looming on the outside. I waited and watched. It wasnt long before the first unrecognizable figure made its way out. Then a few more. Then a swarm of black. Some recognizable, while others remained just figures in black. Still, I couldnt bring myself to pull off. I had to see 'them', or more specifically her. And yes I was well aware of the fact that on some level that could be considered stalking but I didnt give a damn.

Once the intial sea of black subsided I knew she'd make her grand exit. I knew her well, and she ALWAYS had to have a marked exit and entry with her personal entourage surrounding her at all times. It seemed like forever between my swift escape and her leisured exit. When she finally did, I caught my glimpse. In all these years nothing changed. A swift, protected and direct walk to her car.

I should have known better. That glance alone brought back memories I had tried my best to suppress and forget. Memories of a time when we were all friends. That was a very very long time ago. Or so it seemed. I am no longer that person I used to be and sometimes I wonder if that maybe for better or for worse. It's never easy when someone just suddenly shuts you out, no reason or at least no logical reason. Ppl grow up and grow apart, go their separate ways and somehow if u dont understand that or dont want to understand that, it leaves you in a very screwed position. I'm not going to lie to myself. I was happy back then. I mean sure, I wasnt problem free but when I look back at that time it's the sparkly happy things I remember. The only thing I've kept from that time is a watch that one of them had given me. Everyday, without fail, I put it on -even when the battery stops working and I need to get it changed. It meant alot to me and even when I dont actually think about what the watch meant I still find it a very important object to me. That group taught me alot of things and it leaves me wondering if that was their only purpose. Everything has a reason right?

Funerals are depressing, and not just because of the dead people or grieving relatives...

2 comments:

Dragon said...

You and I have many similarities, sis.

El Hazard said...

Oh...?