Wednesday, January 02, 2008

White Rabbit

When logic and proportion
Have fallen sloppy dead,
And the White Knight is talking backwards
And the Red Queen's "off with her head!
"Remember what the dormouse said:
"Feed your head. Feed your head. Feed your head"

This song was played in both Supernatural and Sopranos and suddenly this particular part is stuck in my head. Come to think of it, whenever I feel moody the first thing that comes to mind is "Go ask Alice, when she's ten feet tall" it's also from the same song.
I think I've finally realized something that used to puzzle me before. I used to wonder how shabab would pull such painstakingly obvious dangerous car stunts and not seem to have a bit of fear. Fear is there, it's not that they don't have any. Just that when the bloodstream is over-run and taken over by the adrenaline the person can think of nothing else but the moment of that feeling - or rush as I think it is called. I think I experienced it today when out driving. I was coming up on a roundabout just as an 18-wheeler (truck) was going around. I miscalculated it's speed and drove straight into the roundabout. The moment I did I knew my mistake. Can't say I felt much regret at the time though - not as I realized the sound of the truck right there on top of the car was far too close, not as I realized what a horrible sound metal crashing metal makes, not as I realized the glass of mother's car was being shattered to bits and the car was flipping over and over on it's side pressing the sides of the car closer and closer and certainly not while I was wondering "Gee, what am I supposed to tell the mother when she returns from Bu Dhabi to find her car totaled beyond repair - heck, screw repair, after this it would probably be unrecognizable!"
You know, that 'rush' probably carries with a person till death and doesn't just suddenly desert you after the fact. Yes, that too I realized as I drove out the other side of the roundabout and watched the truck, thru my rearview, turn off at the exit road before the one I took. [And yes in case you're wondering that was my imagination - except for, the truck really had been in the roundabout and I really did miscalculate but managed to fix it before regretable damage was done (alhamdillah), it was adrenline rush city though.] It did make me wonder what the chances of me dying in a car crash would be. I'd say 90% chance but then again it's become such a common cause of death amongst young ppl these days and my sis is always saying in this family things always have to be unique - so unique that it's almost far fetched. Unfortunately that is pretty true and I often wish our family was closer to 'normal' than 'abnormal' but what can a person do? Fate is fate unless it's the changeable kind and family doesn't really seem to fall into that category. So I'd say my chance is around 60% - barring I don't get my wish to go 'surfing' one day.... (Not exactly dangerous IF you know how to swim, but that's just it. I DON'T)

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