I used to feel very strongly against those who commit suicide - USED TO being a key phrase. Lately I've been finding my sympathies leaning towards them. Before, I always felt that it was the ultimate in giving up when someone chose suicide, it just seemed cowardly. I no longer believe they do it out of cowardice but for shame of not being able to live up to the expectations (even if they aren't grandiose) of those close to them. They may try, however meek their efforts may seem but falling short on a repeated basis not only blows their self-esteem but freakin' hurts to fail in front of those who actually believed in them and showed support. Then, to make things worse, there is no shortage of people who are naturally talented at whatever they set their minds to and they just add to the pain with questions as to why it is so hard for the other person. It would be their worst nightmare to wake up in the other person's shoes and find that no matter how much effort they put into something, they still end up failing.
I think the vacation was both, too long and too short. Too short because I was sick with the flu for 3/4s of it and too long cuz my brain feels like a pile of shat on mush. I seriously didn't feel like coming to uni yesterday. Didn't feel much in the mood for it today either, but since I only have one class today - which happened to be an exam - I felt I could make it through alive. Praise the Lord the exam was pretty easy, I've got enough frustration to contend with.
Tennis coach has become quite the moody whore lately. She went on a streak where she completely ignored me. I can't tell you guys how Ffffffff-ing happy that made me, no joke really. Unfortunately it didn't last, she decided to be a kiss ass so she could inform me about the "Fun Day" tennis tournament coming up. She claims all the "team members" should be present for that tournament. I am bloody tired of the freakin thing. Firstly, we have to PAY for it. That really pisses me off, cuz it's not like ppl from outside clubs or teams come to play us, we pay and play each other! Our own team mates, with the exception of one or two ladies from outside. The two ladies would gladly come and play anytime anyone calls them anyways so it's nothing so special to play them in this "tournament". When we finish you'd think they'd do something classy and pool the money we all paid together and hand it to the 1st place winner. Ha, instead we get a crappy semi-cardboard paper saying we "participated" in the fun day - not even what rank we got. Till last month we were getting these retardedly huge sweat bands for our wrists (I never kept any of them). Last month we got cups with a picture of a tennis ball and raquet or net and Sharjah Ladies Club printed around the rim- amazing gift for running ur ass all over the freakin court yeah? Very, um, useful but I honestly don't give a flying crap what I drink my coffee out of as long as it has a handle and no chips/cracks. So when she asked last time we went, who was coming, I was among the ones who weren't coming. She tried to tell me, as if I freakin care, that my absence would go on her permanent record. I surprisingly only answered "ok" to that rather then telling her what she could do with the bloody record. Today will most likely be my last day on the team unless she changes the retarded 6:30 time on wednesdays. It's freakin impossible to make it there at 6:30 sharp under normal circumstances. Even with flying through traffic dodging and weaving in and out of lanes at complete and total reckless speeds I can't make it at 6:30. The last time I was 5 freakin mins late and she was throwing a tantrum and when I tried to explain myself I had to hear the I-don't-respect-her lecture. Respect my ass. I respect the respectable not douchebag, washed up, sorry excuses of a coach like her. I seriously won't be sorry to quit. On the contrary I'd probably go more often and really improve my game - without Madam Romania breathing fire down my bloody neck. That would be a grade A smack in the face for her, ha.
Who says writing doesn't help? True it doesn't help for all problems but right now I feel I got a load off.
I wish I could find the time to read without feeling guilty about it... No, correction; I wish I was a 'faster' reader so I could read a book and not have it take days to finish. I so want to read Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet. I stumbled across a wiki article on it while looking for something else. Reading the article made it seem so inviting! Two more months... Thats the time I have left till we are off for summer vacation, I hope my marks are good and I don't find myself too moody to read during the vacation inshallah.
My math book is beside me screaming my name, I should study - it's why I came to the library after all....