Sunday, January 21, 2007

School of Wax

Wow, didn't even realize myself how long it was since I last posted. For the past couple of weeks my mood had been dragging, add to that the chaos of exam time in MPS and then the students I tutor after school were having exams and needed to study. It was crazy. A normal day was waking up, going to school (with or without breakfast), leaving school and going straight to prince T. He usually took an hour to an hour and a half. Go home in time to find the driver ready to whisk me up to Dubai for another 3-4 hours. Praise the Lord above, they are all great kids. We would actually have a little fun studying - was good for my mood and they didn't find studying for so long boring. By the time I'd fall in the house I only had energy enough to get online for 20mins or so before falling asleep (most times at the computer).

Ok, so last month Mother Supreme & Lord Gracious had pissed me off to the point that I had actually made up my mind that I so wasn't going back. I was boiling when I left the school but by bedtime I was calmer and rationalized that I'd at least finish out this month and then leave the school and MS high and dry come exam time. Ha Ha. It was pure torture counting the days left every time I walked through those accursed opaque doors. MS saw to it personally to keep an eye on me throughout the day. She'd come and spy on me no less than twice a day. I was never given a place in any of the staff rooms like the other teachers so I usually just hung out in the prayer room, the near-bookless-miserable-excuse-of-a-library or the math coordinator’s office. No matter where I was I always heard the unmistakable sound of her approach. I always knew her by the sound of her walk and the ruffling of her abaya. Well I gave her plenty to see. Ha, guess she enjoyed seeing me sitting in meditation. If she only knew the things I meditated about bwhahahha.

Before the week was over I had come up with a suitable reward for the MPS administration. I of course was still going to pull an 'Eman' on them only it would have been complete with my personal signature, ::Hohoho::

How things turn out is just....... indescribable. On the 28th of Dec. our final day before the 3eed holiday MS called a staff meeting. By that time I had things already thought through. It was my plan to record that staff meeting. That lady has a habit of saying the dumbest things during those staff meetings I am positive a good portion of the sheemot she spews would and could get her fired by the ministry. Anywayz, recording that meeting was only part of it. I had also started roaming around the school. Roaming roaming as in walking through the girls section and other parts of the school that had nothing to do with me as a boys teacher. I started hanging out in the math coordinator's office (at first it was all to serve my purpose but it turned out I began to like socializing with the coordinator) whenever I had free periods. It was pretty obvious even to my co-workers that MS really REALLY hated me. That lady is really such a joke. Anywayz I used that also. Anytime she'd order me I'd jump and hurry to carry out her royal wishes. Barring that one time I had lost it after she used that uppity tone on me and I returned it back, I had turned into the picture of one of those lost hopeless ppl who only live to take orders from their boss and immediately carryout whatever was demanded in hopes of keeping their job. (she swallowed the bait whole folks judging by her final action). That day I recorded on my mp3 which was hidden under my shayla hanging from its very convenient neck strap. (Lady was nice enough to openly state that the ministry issued some new rule which she was going to directly ignore and then advised us to "lie" if asked about it. PAY DIRT!)

The only thing I didn't get was that psychopath teacher's last name. We were expected to be back in the school on the second of this month (it was technically still 3ed but do u think MS gave a flying pig's eye?) Anywayz since I had said I was going back after December I knew I'd be getting a pretty nasty call from MS demanding to know why I wasn't at work. I SO had an answer ready for her. I had all intentions of telling her I was actually working for the ministry and that they had been receiving complaints about the school. Of course she would have been informed about the ministry having a special department and its sole purpose was to send out the employees of that department to be hired in schools that needed inside investigation. (Can any of u guys imagine how many days worth of sheemot that she herself was guilty of would play through her head in that instant hahaha she would have gone crazy on the spot trying to remember whether or not I was present and was it possible that I had reported already) I'd give her a detailed explanation of why the hell every time she saw me (as she put it) I was always on my laptop. The simple reason being: It was part of my duty from the ministry to write down everything and report it all back to them. I'd tell her that I nearly blew my cover that time I went off on her (u know cuz someone who like wants there job would never speak to their boss like that, it'd fit perfectly with my story of being a ministry employee). I'd leave her to imagine how much info I got between my random unexplainable walks through the school and talks with the other teachers. Crumble she would have! I'd still have brought out my mp3 and let her listen to her own recorded voice as she uttered those punishable words in that staff meeting. And the opportunity would have been definitely taken to tell her at that moment as she listened to her voice in horror and wonders how the heck I managed to record with out her knowing, that I had been recording every staff meeting and every private conversation that ever took place between me, her and LG.. (in one such conversation LG actually openly admitted that he doesn't care about what the ministry rules are and he doesn't care about telling them the truth or not cuz it ain't their business - or so he believes) I think crumble is no longer a suitable adjective here.. something more along the lines of "crushed" like an empty Pepsi can would be more like it. Of course after a bluff like that I planned to back it up by reporting them and the psycho 2nd grade teacher Khadija (who I found out was nicknamed Dracula) to the ministry. Once the ministry got on their case those fools at MPS would have really believed I was a ministry spy. I couldn't help but giggle in bed every night as Jan. 2nd drew nearer and nearer.

Jan. 2nd finally came and I realized 1. as usual the snot owner hadn't bothered paying any of us on time and 2. I still hadn't gotten that Khadija's last name. Ha ha can u imagine trying to report a teacher with only a first name? and it's not like it's a unique name that one would rarely come across so she would have easily gotten away. Not good enough! So Jan. 2nd found me back in MPS with a purpose. The next day we were paid (the 3rd). Mother gave me the raised eyebrow when I got up to go to work. I told her I'd just finish out the week. My boys also needed English and science revision and I kinda felt bad to leave them like that. So till the end of the first week of Jan it was. Mid-way through the week it dawned on me. My plan had a disgusting plot-hole. If I in fact was sent by the ministry then the most important thing to them would be what went on during the half year exams. They would for sure want someone on the inside during that time and it wouldn't make sense that they'd pull me before then. Dammit, and I still hadn't gotten Khadija's last name. Yosh! Till the end of the exams this craziness would have to continue..

I had thought up the perfect no-way-to-go-wrong plan of getting Khadija's last name. I was supposed to catch her in a free moment and tell her about this conversation I had with a lady (All entirely false) Here I whip out my mobile and show her a name (I had made up and written in the night before and wrote in a made up number as well) and tell her I know the lady and in the course of one of our conversations I happen to let slip that I work in MPS. The lady then got excited at mention of the school and told me she has a friend named "Khadija something" (the something would be playing on my real forgetfulness and serve as reason for her to tell me her last name) working in a school but being that Al Mawahib and Al Mawakib private schools both sound the same she gets them confused and isn't quite sure which school her friend works at. At any rate to make a long story short, this fictional lady of my devious creation gives me her number and asks me to kindly pass it on to Khadija "uh..." (here after the uh I'd say she told me the last name but I forgot - thus giving Khadija a second opportunity to tell me her last name if she didn't take the bait the first time) cuz she (my fictional lady) has misplaced her friend Khadija's number.

Guys laugh ur heads off: in the end I never pulled that crazy stunt. I should be ashamed to admit but it's truth and nothing but truth - I couldn't cuz I was way too shy. In the end handicapped by my own limit tsk tsk.

Seemed no one else in the school knew her last name either. She was either "Ms. Khadija the crazy grade 2 teacher" or "Dracula" none of which could be reported to the ministry.

With that exam week started. The first day of exams I was assigned to invigilate grade 5 boys ICT exam. Of course that day I woke up at 7:00 by the time I showered and dressed blah blah blah it was after 7:30 and by the time I finally strolled through the cursed doors into reception it was 8:03 (we are supposed to be there at 7:20 latest). MS wasn't in the reception and didn't seem to realize I had just walked in when she told me I was supposed to be in grade 5 boys.

I get upstairs and find a first grade teacher in the grade 5 room as well. (there were supposed to be 2 teachers in each room) Lady is SUPER nice and she is great with her first grade class. One can observe quite clearly that she loves teaching and loves her kids (even if they can be little hellions at times). Anwayz I went to the back of the classroom as she wrote all necessary info about the exam (like what exam it was, date, what class, number of students absent/ present..) it was when she got to the part about the invigilators and wrote out her name on the board, my jaw dropped. Her name turned out to be “Khadija” also O_O. Can u guys just imagine how horrible that would have been if I went and reported a Khadija and they made a mistake and fired her?! (btw this khadija was also British)

Ten minutes passed before MS came in and said there was a mistake and the other Khadija was meant to be in there with me. (Would u guys believe that there turned out to be 3 khadijas in all?! To make things worse no one referred to them by last names either. Dracula was Khadija 1 and the other two were called Khadija 2 and 3 respectively.)

To make a long story short, it was the worst invigilating with that lady. She yelled at the boys like how she yells at her second graders. She kept telling them how great her second graders are and how if she tells them to write they write and when they are told to be quiet they are quiet. The biggest set of lies. She even had the audacity to call a boy who started laughing stupid. (only reason he was laughing was because of her screaming and harsh words)

Towards the end of the exam she huffed and puffed and swore she wouldn’t be invigilating their class ever again. Seems she went and told that to MS cuz she didn’t have to invigilate in there again. MS put me in there for 3 of their exams – probably cuz she believed Khadija and thought it was really horrible.

The next two days were chaos, I was late on both of them- which resulted in me ending up in LG’s office and having to hear him go on about how it’s not right to be late blah blah blah.

I was seriously dreading the day of my boys English and Science exams. I just had the sneaking suspicion that she made up something complicated. Sure enough that animal did. The English exam was so hard that even the 2 English speakers (an American boy and a British boy) had a tough time with it. Most of the other boys can’t read that great and she made most of the exam having to do with reading. One can’t say that because she’s not their teacher she doesn’t know they can’t read. Firstly, she was their teacher before I was switched to them from KG. She knew their levels. Secondly, the damn school is so cheap that they didn’t even bother buying the kids readers so that they could practice reading. So now how in the hell are the kids supposed to take an exam that relies heavily on reading skills?

As for the Science exam it was the same. Lots of reading in addition to really inappropriate questions. They had to know all the parts of a tooth. Not just basics like root and crown. Hell no. These poor 3rd graders were being forced to study the whole tooth (enamel, dentine, pulp cavity, cement, jaw bone, crown and root) as if they were majoring in dentistry or something.

I felt really bad for them as I sat in that damn control room and marked their exams. More than 3/4s failed in both English and Science. I’m not exactly sure what was the point of all this but in the end those parents were all pretty angry –with due right. I had planned for the 18th to be my last day (was going to quit, everything was now in place). I walked into school that morning and just as I was reaching for my card to clock in the assistant receptionist told me to go see the secretary. I stopped and decided to go to the secretary and clock in after. Had a weird feeling. As I walked in I noticed 2 yellow envelopes on her desk. The official school envelopes. She picked up one and looked inside. She said one of the envelopes was for me and she had to see which one cuz there were no names on the envelopes. When she finally decided which was mine she handed it to me. I had a look at it. The letter read:

We would like to inform you that after serious consideration a decision has been made to terminate your services with the school..

We would like to take this opportunity to thank you for your work.

The Management

There was a signature at the bottom. Not sure whose, but I suspect it belonged to LG. The wording of the letter sounded like the handiwork of MS especially since my name was spelt how she spells it. The lady has serious problems pronouncing ppl’s names and if that wasn’t bad enough she then spells the names exactly as she pronounces them.

Those ppl though (can’t help but shake my head) they are really pathetic with a capital P. Too pussy to even sign their name to that letter (The Management??) and then had the secretary hand it to me while they hid ::rolls eyes:: The secretary claimed LG wasn’t at school and that he had gone to Libya. Meanwhile his car was parked outside (down the block.. I know his plate number and that was definitely his) and his wife doesn’t drive so tell me how his car got there?? They are both usually loafing in the reception but that day neither was to be seen. Maybe they were expecting a scene from me. I honestly couldn’t control my happiness and I guess I must have sounded a bit too eager when I asked the secretary does the letter me I didn’t have to stay that day. She gave me a look and said yeah that means I can go home. I probably should feel something that I was fired but honestly I have no regrets. They now have to pay me 2 months salary for firing me without notice and the ironic part is I was planning on quitting anywayz. Serves them right.


katheria said...

I wouldn't be able to pull off something like that either... "her friend that wanted her number".

El Hazard said...

I think by the time Speech Comm gets through with me I'll definitely be able to pull off something like that ;)