Why do you write?

That's the question my stepbro who recently came back from the states asked me today in the car (of course that was before he disolved into hysterics laughing over the fact that I was driving barefooted and using only my big toe to brake and accelerate.)

Why do I write? Hmm, well the obvious answer would be because I'm a vain arse fool that wants to walk in the bookstore and see something I wrote perched up on one of the "Bestseller" pedestals. That's one reason.

I want to write till I attain or reach a certain level of perfection. Equally valid reason.

Then there is an 'approval' I feel a yearning for and enough to quench this desire if said approval was nothing more than a nod, and I wouldn't care no matter how slight or silent it was. Another very prominent reason.

Sometimes I feel like writing gives me a degree of power. There are things in this life I have no control over and that, at times, can get pretty freakin' frustrating. It's refreshing at times to create storylines, characters, and all that stuff and constantly push yourself to see just how far your creative powers can take you. It helps me to clear my mind of stressful/frustrating daily crap. It's calming I guess.

Four years ago, while writing The Princess of Arabia, I got it in my head that I wanted to do something. This something is going to take quite a piece of 'change' but I am determined to write as many books as I have to to make that something more than just a random impulsive idea.

These are in no particular order by the way.

On another note, but on the subject of writing, I wanted to say that recently I've been displeased with the vibe of my blog. (You guys have my apologies.) My displeasure was one of the reasons I haven't blogged in so long. My hands and thoughts couldn't be trusted to turn out a neutral post.

This is kinda off topic but you know, I think I just may have gotten an unexpected muse. 6 weeks ago I was looking around moving things in my room and picked up the collector's coke cup I had. It was brand new, very much unused but I noticed something inside. That something turned out to be a medium sized 'roach' (well we call them 'water bugs' but it seems no one knows what I'm talking about when I say it on this side of the world.) Anywayz, to say the least I was disgusted by it. I wanted to dump it out of the cup but I was seriously looking for something and didn't feel like being bothered with the roach much less having to kill it and seeing the after result and all. It was much easier to stick it off in the corner and cover the cup with an old CD case. Days later I'm sitting in my room and realize the roach is still there in the cup. I'm like, "Man I should kill it." but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I totally forgot about the thing till last week someone came in and accidently knocked the CD case off. To my utter surprise, Mr. roach was still very much alive. Yes, weeks later the thing is still alive and kicking and I'm sitting there wondering to myself 'What the freak is going on here?" I mean no food, nothing and mr. roach is healthy as a young sap. So yesterday annie accidently knocks the CD cover off and I tell him to hurry and put it back on cuz there is a roach in the cup. At first he doesn't believe me. Then he goes over and has a look and starts shrieking like a little girl. Once I put the CD cover back on he was fine. He even went over and had a look at it. He kept coming to me and reporting how the thing had it's hands up and was apparently doing the 'middle finger'.. How on God's green earth would such a feat be possible for a roach that doesn't even have hands much less fingers, I have no bleeding idea. He was fascinated by it though.

Today I found myself talking to mr. roach. I seriously can't bring myself to squash him. It seems kinda.. you know.. I don't know. I sorta gave him a name today as well. Actually I had two names cuz he looked like he could either be a "Harold" or a "Harvey" - no offence to any of you Harolds or Harveys out there. I told kersck to choose between those two names. She voted Harvey. So Harvey it is.

I guess now that he has a name, he is entitled to food as well....